Friday, April 10, 2009

Baby Dolls and Mental Illness

"Is it wrong to be scared of Annie being around our baby?" An honest question asked by my already over protective husband and new daddy. "she can be so rough with the pets, look at how she holds the cats upside down and stuff?!" I completely understand his concern. She is the baby of my family and has had little or no experience around an infant. I honestly can't remember a baby she may have ever held. She was also never one for playing with baby dolls. She hasn't had a childhood even remotely close to a normal child. When she did have "normal" moments when ocd was quiet and rages were sleeping, she would play with barbies or maybe stuffed animals but never babies. I tried my best to calm Kyles worries. I assured him she will be fine! She will realize like all children do that it isn't a kitten or a toy, its a real live human being and that will scare her into being careful. I told him that, like a toddler (since that is close to her state of mind) that you would teach about its new sibling, we will teach annie about her new niece/nephew/NIECE haha jk. We will teach her how to use a "baby voice" and how to sit down and hold the new baby when it comes.
Its funny how in a single moment you go from living your life as a single person to thinking about your child in every single thing you do. The first day I knew I was pregnant I was scared to walk or stand up after sitting or bend over to pick something up. I've calmed down since but now its a different kind of paranoia. Monday night Nonni asked if I will let her hold my baby. I told her "of course non! You're its bnonni" but inside I was thinking, "not in a million years you crazy old hag! Not unless you take all your meds that day and are sitting up straight surrounded by pillows!" ...and then there is Catie. The sister closest in age to me who I know would be sitting on the couch with me every morning eating all my saltines if she could. Helping me decide on what stroller is the safest and assuring me that its ok to "love" my husband, nothing will break. Instead she is at home wanting her own baby and talking about it every day. Yesterday mom found her "real life" baby doll that cries and laughs. She was rocking it and kissing it and then before i knew it the baby was laying sideways across her lap. looked like she was trying to feed it and I just laughed! Of all ways for Catie to hold it, she has no idea it really looks like she is nursing. About 20 minutes later I walked over to feed Catie her dinner and noticed her shirt pulled up and one boob hangin out. She knew exactly what she was doing! I realized, as long as she doesn't try and feed my baby, i'm more comfortable with her holding it than anyone else.

There is so much to think and worry about and enjoy in these next 9 mos. As far as Annie goes, Kyle came to pick me up yesterday and right as he walked into the room Annie grabbed Caties baby doll and said "hey kid! stop cryin already, ya givin me a headache!" and started pounding it on the head with her fist.
"see babe!" I said, "she will be fine with our baby..."


Brazen Hussey's said...

Oh Kelly! What is so strange is that this is the "normal" stuff that you have to think about. The rest of us can plan out what color our nursery is going to be, and you are wondering if Annie will pound on your baby.

Even an "experienced" mom like me can't offer up any sage advice. As always, His grace is sufficient. As trite as that may sound, at bottom, what else is there? Especially, in your lives. There are no amount of parenting books, self-help guru's or meds that will suffice in dealing with your kind of "normal". Only grace.

I will concur that Catie will be an amazing Auntie. I have been blessed to have her hold 3 of my newborn babies with such tenderness. I really miss her.


Laura Lou said...

How did I miss this post?!

I don't know how often you had me rollin' and yet feeling uber-guilty about it, too.

You know Dave has a brother who's rather challenged. I was petrified of having him anywhere near any of my babies. But, other than having him once hold Fiona upside down above the driveway when his meds were all wrong, we got through it. Luckily for you, you love your sisters. I had none of that for him then.

Grace is best; and a big, bad-ass husband works, too.

Kelly Anne said...

you guys always have wonderful advice and please don't ever feel guilty for laughing! This stuff is pretty funny and i was laughing the whole time I wrote it. Truth is, I don't trust many people like I do catie with babies... She still talks about "tas tas tas tashas ba ba baby do do dolls" that she got to hold and annie? shes a crack up and a wild child but I know she will be fine. Kyle is the one that needs the prayers cause he is nervous!! i worry more about some of his "normal" family members than my not normal ones hahahaha

good times. thanks guys!

What's my name again? said...

You know kid - you have your mother's heart and your fathers's sense of humor. I love your blogs - theyr'e simply, beautifully honest. All hard things to come by.

We should all be so lucky to have an auntie that will be as sweet and loving as Catie.

On A Day Like Today said...

LOL about Catie playing nursing! You are the best sister and are going to be a wonderful mother.