Friday, December 25, 2009

Pinch Me

Ya know those moments that feel so unreal? Like you need to pinch yourself to make sure you're not asleep? This is one of them.
I'm sitting by our Christmas tree feeding Joey and Im amazed that I have a son this Christmas morning. Last Christmas morning I saw my uncle for the last time as I stood next to his hospital bed and held his hand.
This year my family not only has a new little life to celebrate but hes mine! This year Im a mom, a Santa Claus and the happiest Ive ever been in my life because of it.

Today I can't see my parents and siblings because some of them are sick and we cant risk Joey catching it. I had a good cry with a smashin pity part when reality set in about this but since have been able to find some sweet things in this holiday to be thankful for like the fact that I cant spend another Christmas with Catie but not because shes with us anymore. Shes here celebrating another visit from santa and I'll see her in a week or so.. heck theres alot, I'll make a list of the best things like...

my 3 hugs from my Aunt Cathy yesterday that she obviously knew I needed more than I did.

my aunt marianne hosting xmas eve last minute so we could all be together.

watching my 3 little cousins from China, little Jake and my Joey all be together on Christmas for the first time.

Spending Christmas eve with my Nana and Poppie. My favorite couple of all time.

Seeing my dad and Amy out for a walk right by our apartment right as we were pulling up at home and flipping the fastest bitch of all time to go drive by and say hi.

Getting a call from the next generation of Poppie Santas. A lifelong tradish for us kids to get a phone call from our poppie disguised as Santa every year has now become a tradish for my dad to do since he is a Poppie this year. Joey wasn't in the mood to talk to Santa but it made my day.

Just some of my top fave things so far and its only Christmas morning! so far so good.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Change Can Be Good

Relief is one thing I didnt imagine feeling after my son was born. I mean sure, relief for my knees and heels and back but Im talking more emotional relief. I was almost positive Id have more stress because Id be trying to take care of my son and feel guilty for not taking care of Catie and Annie as much as I was. I thought this because a while back when one of the Batten kids became an angel I had a panic attack and I remember saying "my life will end with Caties life" over and over. My husband calmed me down and reminded me of the baby growing in my belly and assured me that he will become my priority and the one I care for most and that I will continue to care for him when Caties gone. I didnt believe him but now I know I should have. This little guy has become my life. I even feel like hes giving me a new life or at least helping me live the one Ive already been given. I dont dwell on losing Catie anymore.. and its not to say I dont feel bad for not helping with the girls but I dont let it take over me for missing one of their baths or showers.

I guess Im trying to say it feels so amazing to take care of a person that doesnt have an expected departure date.. To know Joeys going to grow with each feeding rather than wonder how much longer Caties mobility will allow her to eat before her tube is in full use. Little things like that. I guess thanks to Joeys life I finally understand my moms obsession with the word HOPE because I finally understand the meaning.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Labor of Love

I have found a greater respect for my mom. For all moms. For the moms that are never there for their kids and the ones that are over bearing. For the moms that have been mothers for years upon years and moms who's motherhood stopped in the delivery room. For moms that embrace their children and those that embrace safe baby havens. If you've been through labor you have my full respect. It truly is a labor of love to bring someone into this world no matter what follows after that little baby is welcomed into the world.
I'm a mom now and this is my Labor of Love Story.

Sunday Nov. 22 Kyle was off for the day and his alarm failed. We missed church because we overslept but decided to make the best of it. We chilled in bed talking to my belly trying to convince Joey to come out so we could meet him. We told him to come out that night so daddy wouldn't have to work at 4am monday morning. Then we decided we'd do all we could to push him along. After all, people are convinced that certain things will put you in labor, I personally still believe the only thing that puts you in labor is a baby thats ready to come out but still, it was fun trying!
We "got to know each other" since everyone including the labor and delivery nurses said that it would induce labor..
then we went to pietros and got an all meat pizza.. 7 meats.. not my style but they say the meats really get things moving..
after lunch we took a nice long walk around downtown since gravity is said to move things along also..
After our relaxing date we headed over to my family's house and then his and we spent the afternoon catching up with our favorite people.
That evening I started having contractions but they weren't too painful and they were very far apart so I didn't think about it..we went home and went to bed and I was up all night with horrible contractions but for some reason didn't think about it at all.. I just kept sleeping inbetween them.

Monday Nov. 23 Kyle went to work at 4am. While he was there he was offered a job at the local radio station. good thing joey didn't come the night before!
I stayed home all day cleaning up.. My sister in law shook her head at me while I vacuumed and said to chill out since I was about to pop.. little did she know. Later that night I ended up giving Tony and Kyle haircuts and thats when the contractions really kicked in! Then it was off to the mall to get some much needed clothes for my hubby since I knew he'd have to go without for a long time if we didn't go that night.. little did I know.
Thinking back I can't believe myself for doing all that I did that day. I should have been at home relaxing not cleaning, cutting and shopping!

We got back from the mall and went for a walk which made my contractions jump from every 5 min to every 2 minutes.. I went home and took a hot bath to see if that calmed them down and sure enough it didn't.. we were on our way to the hospital and arrived there at exactly 1opm.
They hooked me up to the monitors and checked me but I was only 1 cm dilated.. they won't admit you until you're 3. Thankfully since we had come from vacaville they said we could stay in the hospital and walk for 2 hours and they'd check me again.. desperate to have our baby and not have to go home we walked. For 2 hours straight up and down the empty hospital halls.. SOOO crappy!!! I thought my back was going to snap in half! After 2 hours we went back and got hooked up and checked again.. I was still only 2 cm but my contractions were insane so the doc said he'd let me stay while he did a c section and if I could get to 3 by the time he was done in the OR he'd admit me otherwise we were on our way. In the next hour my contractions took off and I was in full on labor.. I don't know how to explain the pain but man. I still can't believe how bad it hurts.. Finally I was checked again and at 3 cm so I was admitted and thankfully given my DRUGS!!!! then it was chill.. I couldn't feel anything from my belly down and if I could get epidurals in pill form I'd go numb every weekend.. coolest feeling ever.. anyway.. I ended up getting stuck at 3 cm for 5 hours before they finally gave me pitocin to speed things up.. 5 hours later my water broke, 1 hour later I was at 8 cm and 2 1/2 hours later of pushing my son was born! oh and you can still feel the pushing part with an ep so i don't have a clue as to how ppl do it natural.. ya'll are nuts!

Tue Nov 24th Joseph Alan Wieder arrived.
He was 8lbs 10oz and was 20 inches long. He was born at 9:56 pm 4 minutes short of 24 hours from the time we got there the night before. Longest 24 hours of my life! and my poor husband had been up since 4am the day before..

Looking back I can't believe how providential everything was. We were able to have an awesome date on sunday together and catch up with our family's before parenting began. Kyle had to go to work monday and was offered a job. We should have been sent home from the hospital that night but the nurses were awesome so we got to stay long enough to go into active labor. Our dads were off of work. My brother was home from tour and Catie and Annie were chill.

I'll never forget this experience. The way Joseph looked when they held him up and placed him on my chest. Gray and wrinkled. He was calm and quiet as soon as he heard his mommy and daddy talking to him and just lay there with his big blue eyes scanning back and forth listening closely. The look on Kyles face when he saw his son and the kiss he gave me when he told me "good job, i love you." The proud look on my moms face as she took pictures and bawled her eyes out. We had become parents and I have never been happier in my entire life! One of Joeys great uncles recently came over to meet him and made the comment that he was having a spiritual moment while holding him and he couldn't be more right on. Thats exactly how it is. I just stare at him and I'm in awe that this little baby was at one point microscopic and he is now a gorgeous healthy newborn that is half me and half of my best friend. I can't believe that we wanted to wait 5 years for this..

So yeah.. my labor of love in a nutshell.. I could give the details but who likes details.. Joey came out with road rash on the back of his head and a bruise on the front.. I think you could imagine the details now? very unnecessary. besides, the most important part of the story is the fact that I have been blessed with a husband I don't deserve and a beautiful son I can't take credit for creating. Life is good!