I Am

so happy. So very very happy!

Girl Time

Mom is out the door for a coffee date with old friends and every single person in the family is gone to one place or another.. its just me and Catie.. As I close and lock the front door I think for one quick second, "cool! Its just me and Catie, we'll have some girl time.." Then I turn the corner to go downstairs with her and I can see her big head in her green chair flopped over to the side while she sleeps and I instantly start to cry. I'm not sure where that idea came from. I haven't thought like that in years.. its like for a split second I forgot that she can't have "girl time." Well, she can if I do all the talking and the conversation is strictly about disney movies, her wedding or her baby shower that she'll have some day. I in no means want to make it sound like I don't love those conversations. Its just that, I forgot that we couldn't talk about babies, parents, husbands, shoes, sha boomboom(as my friend would call it) or what we are cooking for dinner. You know, grown up talk. Most people that have lost someone they loved or were close to knows what its like when you see someone and you start waving at them thinking its your friend/family member etc and then it clicks. That person died. So you waved happily at a complete stranger and now they feel bad that they didn't wave back because you are bawling your eyes out. Thats what that 2 second thought was like with Catie. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I wish she was "normal" so that rather than playing barbies together like I used to wish about, we could talk together. Grab a coffee and walk through target or something. Just spend some quality Girl Time together.



bleh.



its no big deal really. I think its just the rain. rainy days make me poopy. i think. eh..