Saturday, December 6, 2008

... Came to Mind

if you read this and feel bad, guilty or think you know what its about don't. At least ask me what it is all about before assuming anything. I'm just letting my crazy self think outloud. thats all.

they constantly mourn the loss of her life. its so unfair that she is missing out. yet they fail to see the other sitting in the corner. what was the others life like? 

it was spent as eyes seeing as much as possible, with the pressure of never missing a color or shape? life spent as feet walking confidently over gravel and mudd trying hardest to perfect each step so as not to disappoint. life spent as words speaking for the unspoken as a mind thinking for the thoughtless. always staying one step ahead of the game only to be held back.

how was her voice heard through you but your own was never loud enough to be heard? Her feelings, fears and worries always screaming over yours, causing yours to only grow larger. such a large burden for such a small person.

never speak up, complain or be angry. that is selfish, self centered and wrong. you are the strong one. the healthy one. the unaffected. suck it up. truth is you are the weak one. all the strength and support goes to the other. you are the sick one. you ache from the guilt and pressure. you are the affected one. never living a day without the thought of why not me. it is my fault, it has to be. I have to do better, be better, do more, be more. 

tell me, who is affected when she is gone? she has no pain, no fear, no worry, sickness. You are left behind with the pain, the fear, the worry and the sickness. you are left to remember it every day.

tell me, who do you talk for, walk for and think for when she is gone? If you live your life being a person for someone else, how do you find yourself? will you be heard if you speak for yourself? or will you continue to stay in the corner, over shadowed by the loss of her?

Who had a better life? her or you? it seems as if you both missed out. lives swallowed up by two different evils, taken away. The only difference, hers will come to a peaceful end and you will be left behind to continue living with the pain.

blablabla kilah and I are turning it into a song... whoo.

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