I used to be Kelly. Thats what most people knew me by. Maybe Kelly Anne for the people I know from beauty school and the salon. Kelly Allio (which gets my husband quite annoyed since I'm now, Kelly Wieder) for the people I grew up with knowing my whole life. Kelly uhleeee-o for the doctors and nurses that I grew up seeing for shots each flu season. But now, I am "Joeys Mom." When I go to my family's house, if Joey is not in my arms its, "WHERES JOEY!!!" rather than "hey Kel," and if he IS in my arms then its "MY JOEY!!" rather than "hi Joey AND Kelly!" Its cool. Really. I get it. He's awesome. But its not just at their house! Its anywhere I go! Not to sound completely obsessed and full of myself, but I used to get compliments on my hair or outfit or whatever. Now I'm just the prop that is holding the chunky little blonde mohawk-ed, blue eyed, ADORABLE baby boy, aka Joey.
This may sound like the beginning of a cry for help. The classic, "I've lost myself and I don't know who I am!" kinda deal. The, "I'm no longer me, I'm now 'mom' and I don't matter!" or "I've given up all my talents and dreams" or "I look in the mirror and hate that I've let myself go" stuff. Well, Let me make myself VERY CLEAR. That first paragraph was not a complaint, it is an excited bragging statement!!! I have never felt more like myself than when my life became less about me and all about my son!
I'll be honest, I do have moments, when I feel lousy about the way I look. But shoot, I did BEFORE I walked around with an almost 9lb baby shoved in my torso. So whats there to sweat about?
There are also times when I think about hair. My first true love. The shears, the color bowls. Ahh, the bliss of it all. I think about the people asking me to get a job in a salon or the offers I've been given to travel with people doing hair. I think about the possibility of a booming business and the appointments people are always trying to book and I miss it. I LOVE doing hair.. but I love Joey even more! That is what alot of people don't understand. They say, "I wish I had a talent or job I could do as a mom so i could hold onto parts of 'me' and who I am." As much as I miss the opportunity or dream of Hollywood hair, nothing compares to the joy that my little monster brings me every day.
Now don't get me wrong. Its is VERY important to make time for yourself as a mom. My Nana, mother of 8, is very good at regularly checking up on me and making sure I'm taking time for myself. My mom is also good at it. She constantly says she will watch Joey so I can go home and rest or go do something fun. (I think its just a trick.. she really just wants time with Joey) And trust me, I love taking time to do an up-do on someone, or bake a batch of Cutie Patootie cupcakes or create a cake for someones birthday etc. I love taking the time to sit and draw, even just a quick sketch here and there.. maybe sit at the piano and jot down a little song. Whatever it is, its fun because they are things that I love to do! But the whole time I do them now, my mind is consumed with my son and my man and how I just can't wait to be with the two of them.
I feel so completely blessed to feel this way. To be glad that I lost my old identity and have gained a new one. That my Husband and Son come first in my life. There are so many people that would give anything to be parents, or stay at home moms. I've been given the gift of it and I don't know how long it will last. So for today, I'm thankful and always hopeful to see tomorrow.
I have found what I'm meant to be in this life. Joey's Mom.