Mommyhood

Amazing how one person can change your life.. I have been amazed by that ever since I met my sweet husband but now I am more amazed than ever.

He was the size of a poppy seed when I first saw his picture on an ultrasound machine in a small doctors office last April and he was an 8 lb 10 oz wrinkled and gray little human when I met him in person for the first time. My life will never be the same. It changed when I found out I was pregnant because of course you become more worried about the little person growing inside of you than you worry about yourself. Everything you eat, drink and breathe affects that baby. You can't even lay or sit certain ways.. But when he was born my life changed in a more ways than just physical and I believe, for the better.
I now look at him and I see a future that I'm responsible for. I look at his outside appearance and check to make sure he is healthy every day. That he is clean, fed and comfortable. Then I look at his eyes and I think about his heart and soul. I think about the people in his life that love him and the people in his life that he will love. I think about his eternal life and pray that he has a faith and a love for God that is his own. I look at him sometimes and I cry because I love him so much and I think about being in my parents position. What would I do if I sat down in a doctors office and was given a time line for my little boy? I also get excited and think about watching him grow and learn. I have always heard people say they would do anything for their child. That they want the very best for their child. That even though its impossible, they want to protect their baby from everything that can harm them in a physical, emotional and spiritual way. I now understand exactly how they feel when they say those things because thats how I feel. I feel blessed to have Joey in my life and I feel undeserving. There are so many people in this world that want to be parents and that would make fabulous ones, why should I get to be a mommy? I also think of all the kids in this world that don't have moms or dads or do and are mistreated by them. That makes me want to be the best parent possible. I look at Joey and for the first time I enjoy working out and exercising. I also don't mind counting calories and skipping out on mochas and ice cream. I want to take good care of my body so that I can take good care of his. I look at my Bible sitting on the ottoman and cringe cause I'm lazy but then I look at Joey and I can't get that Bible open fast enough because I want to be able to teach him unconditional love, wisdom, faith and morals that are deeper than "don't tell a lie cause its bad cause it is." I suddenly don't want to spend money on silly things for myself because I want to have as much saved for him as possible for any situation that arises or for any of the latest toys that he desperately needs. =)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, wait.. you may want to sit down for this, I care more about him than I do myself! SHOCKING!!! Kelly Anne? put someone before herself? Impossible!!! But so true.. Don't get me wrong, I still care enough to shower, do my hair and makeup and wear more than sweats all the time cause I'm still a wife too and we wifeys gotta be lookin good for our men! But when it comes to every aspect of life, Joeys needs are top priority. I love it. I love having him in my life. I love being needed and I think I love it so much because Catie has always needed me but only will for a short while longer and when she's gone I'll still have my Joey who will always need me in more ways than Catie ever could. I love that this little chunk that cries and poops has made me want to be a healthier, happier and more spiritual person.

Like I said, I'm more amazed than ever before. He will never know the impact he's had on my life in 2 months until he becomes a parent himself.

I love you my little monster! Thank you for making Mommy a better person!