Funny that Joey has an Auntie that is 11 years old.
Even more funny that I have to label Joeys pacifiers so that they don't get mixed up with his 11 year old Aunties pacifiers.
I love this life.
<3
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Mommyhood
Amazing how one person can change your life.. I have been amazed by that ever since I met my sweet husband but now I am more amazed than ever.
He was the size of a poppy seed when I first saw his picture on an ultrasound machine in a small doctors office last April and he was an 8 lb 10 oz wrinkled and gray little human when I met him in person for the first time. My life will never be the same. It changed when I found out I was pregnant because of course you become more worried about the little person growing inside of you than you worry about yourself. Everything you eat, drink and breathe affects that baby. You can't even lay or sit certain ways.. But when he was born my life changed in a more ways than just physical and I believe, for the better.
I now look at him and I see a future that I'm responsible for. I look at his outside appearance and check to make sure he is healthy every day. That he is clean, fed and comfortable. Then I look at his eyes and I think about his heart and soul. I think about the people in his life that love him and the people in his life that he will love. I think about his eternal life and pray that he has a faith and a love for God that is his own. I look at him sometimes and I cry because I love him so much and I think about being in my parents position. What would I do if I sat down in a doctors office and was given a time line for my little boy? I also get excited and think about watching him grow and learn. I have always heard people say they would do anything for their child. That they want the very best for their child. That even though its impossible, they want to protect their baby from everything that can harm them in a physical, emotional and spiritual way. I now understand exactly how they feel when they say those things because thats how I feel. I feel blessed to have Joey in my life and I feel undeserving. There are so many people in this world that want to be parents and that would make fabulous ones, why should I get to be a mommy? I also think of all the kids in this world that don't have moms or dads or do and are mistreated by them. That makes me want to be the best parent possible. I look at Joey and for the first time I enjoy working out and exercising. I also don't mind counting calories and skipping out on mochas and ice cream. I want to take good care of my body so that I can take good care of his. I look at my Bible sitting on the ottoman and cringe cause I'm lazy but then I look at Joey and I can't get that Bible open fast enough because I want to be able to teach him unconditional love, wisdom, faith and morals that are deeper than "don't tell a lie cause its bad cause it is." I suddenly don't want to spend money on silly things for myself because I want to have as much saved for him as possible for any situation that arises or for any of the latest toys that he desperately needs. =)
I guess what I'm trying to say is, wait.. you may want to sit down for this, I care more about him than I do myself! SHOCKING!!! Kelly Anne? put someone before herself? Impossible!!! But so true.. Don't get me wrong, I still care enough to shower, do my hair and makeup and wear more than sweats all the time cause I'm still a wife too and we wifeys gotta be lookin good for our men! But when it comes to every aspect of life, Joeys needs are top priority. I love it. I love having him in my life. I love being needed and I think I love it so much because Catie has always needed me but only will for a short while longer and when she's gone I'll still have my Joey who will always need me in more ways than Catie ever could. I love that this little chunk that cries and poops has made me want to be a healthier, happier and more spiritual person.
Like I said, I'm more amazed than ever before. He will never know the impact he's had on my life in 2 months until he becomes a parent himself.
I love you my little monster! Thank you for making Mommy a better person!
He was the size of a poppy seed when I first saw his picture on an ultrasound machine in a small doctors office last April and he was an 8 lb 10 oz wrinkled and gray little human when I met him in person for the first time. My life will never be the same. It changed when I found out I was pregnant because of course you become more worried about the little person growing inside of you than you worry about yourself. Everything you eat, drink and breathe affects that baby. You can't even lay or sit certain ways.. But when he was born my life changed in a more ways than just physical and I believe, for the better.
I now look at him and I see a future that I'm responsible for. I look at his outside appearance and check to make sure he is healthy every day. That he is clean, fed and comfortable. Then I look at his eyes and I think about his heart and soul. I think about the people in his life that love him and the people in his life that he will love. I think about his eternal life and pray that he has a faith and a love for God that is his own. I look at him sometimes and I cry because I love him so much and I think about being in my parents position. What would I do if I sat down in a doctors office and was given a time line for my little boy? I also get excited and think about watching him grow and learn. I have always heard people say they would do anything for their child. That they want the very best for their child. That even though its impossible, they want to protect their baby from everything that can harm them in a physical, emotional and spiritual way. I now understand exactly how they feel when they say those things because thats how I feel. I feel blessed to have Joey in my life and I feel undeserving. There are so many people in this world that want to be parents and that would make fabulous ones, why should I get to be a mommy? I also think of all the kids in this world that don't have moms or dads or do and are mistreated by them. That makes me want to be the best parent possible. I look at Joey and for the first time I enjoy working out and exercising. I also don't mind counting calories and skipping out on mochas and ice cream. I want to take good care of my body so that I can take good care of his. I look at my Bible sitting on the ottoman and cringe cause I'm lazy but then I look at Joey and I can't get that Bible open fast enough because I want to be able to teach him unconditional love, wisdom, faith and morals that are deeper than "don't tell a lie cause its bad cause it is." I suddenly don't want to spend money on silly things for myself because I want to have as much saved for him as possible for any situation that arises or for any of the latest toys that he desperately needs. =)
I guess what I'm trying to say is, wait.. you may want to sit down for this, I care more about him than I do myself! SHOCKING!!! Kelly Anne? put someone before herself? Impossible!!! But so true.. Don't get me wrong, I still care enough to shower, do my hair and makeup and wear more than sweats all the time cause I'm still a wife too and we wifeys gotta be lookin good for our men! But when it comes to every aspect of life, Joeys needs are top priority. I love it. I love having him in my life. I love being needed and I think I love it so much because Catie has always needed me but only will for a short while longer and when she's gone I'll still have my Joey who will always need me in more ways than Catie ever could. I love that this little chunk that cries and poops has made me want to be a healthier, happier and more spiritual person.
Like I said, I'm more amazed than ever before. He will never know the impact he's had on my life in 2 months until he becomes a parent himself.
I love you my little monster! Thank you for making Mommy a better person!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
BFFs
Strange how quickly time passes and there is so much craziness as it passes that its easy to forget how much you've experienced in your life. As I fed my sweet baby his bottle the other morning I was amazed at his gorgeous blue eyes, just like his daddy's. I was suddenly reminded of the first time I saw Kyles blue eyes and was thrown into the biggest crush ever...
He was one of Tony's closest friends.. I met him for the first time on Tony's birthday dinner at the house.. I remember Tony and his friends watched a movie after dinner and I joined them.. It was Tony, Rob Hampton, Aaron Seminoff and Kyle.. I hardly even noticed Kyle since I was so into Tony's other friend haha I thought he was super cute.. then again, at 15 what tall blonde isn't cute? Not long after that Tony played a show with his old band and Kyle was there again but I was still crushin on the other one.. I got ditched by Tony and my crush and not knowing anybody there and the venue being closed I ended up in Kyles car with him and my now brother and sister in law. I clearly remember thinking "these people are crazy!!" Kayla and Michael just fought over stupid stuff the whole time while kyle yelled at them to shut up.. Nothing has changed 7 years later. A few months later it happened. I saw him in a whole new way and I don't know what it was that changed. I was sitting inside a gym with Tony waiting for a class to start and Tony said, "sweet Kyles here." I looked over and there he was, walking up to the door in a gray hat with his long curly hair resting on his shoulders.. He had a band shirt on and blue dickie shorts with skate shoes and ugly white ankle socks. He had a funny walk but You would have thought there was a bright light shining behind him. He walked in the door and started talking to Tony. I couldn't stop looking at his bright blue eyes and his rosie cheeks as he smiled.. I had such a crush and didn't know why! He was nothing like anyone I had ever liked.. I was way into the clean cut american eagle boys with nice hair and tan skin.. this guy was so grunge!!! It wasn't long before Tony found out I loved his friends smile so he'd take me to Baskin Robbins to visit him at work and Tony would say, "wanna see his smile?" in a teasing way to embarrass me and he'd crack a joke to make Kyle laugh.. I remember thinking, this guy has no style but man! I can't stop starring at him!! Pretty soon Tonys ex hired me on at Baskin Robbins.. Kyle trained me on my first day and soon I became his boss. He had a girlfriend and I completely respected her as that.. even if she was half man and a total meanie head. I think everyone at the store knew how much I was into him except for him.. We got along so well though. We worked great as a team and always had a blast.. Then it happened.. the day I waited for for a year and a half.. she dumped him!! And boy was I there to run in a grab what was mine.. We had our first date on Valentines day of 2005. Most awkward date ever.. He was late to pick me up, then had to come inside to meet my dad since my dad couldn't remember which friend of Tony's it was that was picking me up. He brought me a red rose.. I'm shocked that the fumes of all his cologne didn't kill it on the way over.. He was wearing a black beanie with his long curly hair still resting on his shoulders.. he had earings and chuck taylors on. My dad was pretty surprised that I was so excited to go on a date with a grungebutt. He sat nervously on the couch while Kerri and Amy glared at him. Finally we were off to dinner.. Fresh Choice with Tony and his ex. We sat and ate while we watched them fight.. after that entertainment we were off to a nursing home to visit Nonnie. Awkward. Then I gave him his valentine and some chocolate in the car and he tried to kiss me.. REJECTED! So we went and got some ice cream at work.. We ran into tony and his ex there and they were still fighting.. Then it was back home by 10 and I was nice enough to hug him. I remember getting on AIM as soon as we got home and him telling me he was so glad he at least got a hug from me, he was going crazy! Even after the weirdest first date, we knew within days that we would become girlfriend and boyfriend. We just got along way too well.. it was easy! We were ourselves with each other from the start.
Thinking back it feels like we were on that date yesterday. Strange to think that 4 years and lots of ice cream later we are married with a son. I feel blessed every day when I thank God for my boys. I love that I had such a huge crush on him for so long and now I get to wash his dirty clothes. How crazy is that? Its so true though. I love him and I know we were made for each other.. He is my best friend forever and I am his.. I couldn't imagine my life any other way..
I love you baby!!!
He was one of Tony's closest friends.. I met him for the first time on Tony's birthday dinner at the house.. I remember Tony and his friends watched a movie after dinner and I joined them.. It was Tony, Rob Hampton, Aaron Seminoff and Kyle.. I hardly even noticed Kyle since I was so into Tony's other friend haha I thought he was super cute.. then again, at 15 what tall blonde isn't cute? Not long after that Tony played a show with his old band and Kyle was there again but I was still crushin on the other one.. I got ditched by Tony and my crush and not knowing anybody there and the venue being closed I ended up in Kyles car with him and my now brother and sister in law. I clearly remember thinking "these people are crazy!!" Kayla and Michael just fought over stupid stuff the whole time while kyle yelled at them to shut up.. Nothing has changed 7 years later. A few months later it happened. I saw him in a whole new way and I don't know what it was that changed. I was sitting inside a gym with Tony waiting for a class to start and Tony said, "sweet Kyles here." I looked over and there he was, walking up to the door in a gray hat with his long curly hair resting on his shoulders.. He had a band shirt on and blue dickie shorts with skate shoes and ugly white ankle socks. He had a funny walk but You would have thought there was a bright light shining behind him. He walked in the door and started talking to Tony. I couldn't stop looking at his bright blue eyes and his rosie cheeks as he smiled.. I had such a crush and didn't know why! He was nothing like anyone I had ever liked.. I was way into the clean cut american eagle boys with nice hair and tan skin.. this guy was so grunge!!! It wasn't long before Tony found out I loved his friends smile so he'd take me to Baskin Robbins to visit him at work and Tony would say, "wanna see his smile?" in a teasing way to embarrass me and he'd crack a joke to make Kyle laugh.. I remember thinking, this guy has no style but man! I can't stop starring at him!! Pretty soon Tonys ex hired me on at Baskin Robbins.. Kyle trained me on my first day and soon I became his boss. He had a girlfriend and I completely respected her as that.. even if she was half man and a total meanie head. I think everyone at the store knew how much I was into him except for him.. We got along so well though. We worked great as a team and always had a blast.. Then it happened.. the day I waited for for a year and a half.. she dumped him!! And boy was I there to run in a grab what was mine.. We had our first date on Valentines day of 2005. Most awkward date ever.. He was late to pick me up, then had to come inside to meet my dad since my dad couldn't remember which friend of Tony's it was that was picking me up. He brought me a red rose.. I'm shocked that the fumes of all his cologne didn't kill it on the way over.. He was wearing a black beanie with his long curly hair still resting on his shoulders.. he had earings and chuck taylors on. My dad was pretty surprised that I was so excited to go on a date with a grungebutt. He sat nervously on the couch while Kerri and Amy glared at him. Finally we were off to dinner.. Fresh Choice with Tony and his ex. We sat and ate while we watched them fight.. after that entertainment we were off to a nursing home to visit Nonnie. Awkward. Then I gave him his valentine and some chocolate in the car and he tried to kiss me.. REJECTED! So we went and got some ice cream at work.. We ran into tony and his ex there and they were still fighting.. Then it was back home by 10 and I was nice enough to hug him. I remember getting on AIM as soon as we got home and him telling me he was so glad he at least got a hug from me, he was going crazy! Even after the weirdest first date, we knew within days that we would become girlfriend and boyfriend. We just got along way too well.. it was easy! We were ourselves with each other from the start.
Thinking back it feels like we were on that date yesterday. Strange to think that 4 years and lots of ice cream later we are married with a son. I feel blessed every day when I thank God for my boys. I love that I had such a huge crush on him for so long and now I get to wash his dirty clothes. How crazy is that? Its so true though. I love him and I know we were made for each other.. He is my best friend forever and I am his.. I couldn't imagine my life any other way..
I love you baby!!!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Huuurl!
Craziest Roller Coaster Ride of my life yet. So crazy that I literally had that feeling where youre gonna puke and its stuck in your throat and you fight to keep it there so it doesnt make its way out.. gross, I know, but at least I'm not talking about c-diff.. my newest obtained medical info. Now thats some nasty crap.. literally.
This last week my family came closer than ever before to losing Catie-Nana. You could imagine the relief that was felt as she sat in her cozy green chair last night with her new blanket that she had explained was from her friend Sandy. The best feeling was when she asked for pizza for dinner.. like nothing had ever happened.
At one point in the hospital my dad put his arm around me and asked if I was ready for this..anybody that knows me could answer that one.. he went on to explain that he could be ready in two years..knowing that he will never be ready I realized how desperate we all were for more time. Someone had made the comment that we should be ready since we have known this was coming for years... how ignorant. Thats one thing that is always brought to my attention in these situations.. sucky people. I'm not even going to sugar coat it cause I dont sugar coat anything but cookies and cupcakes. To be honest though, I have never been more disapointed and more encouraged at the same time in my life by people. We all know how I always see the negative first and then have to make myself chill out and look for all the positive... thats why at the end of day one in the hospital I had even thought to make a visitor tally.Thats also why in all my blogs I start off in biotch mode and end with happy thankful mode. So here we go..
Can I just ask a question?
Where the hell was our family through all of this? At the closest possible time of Caties death where were her cousins, aunts and uncles? She had 3 family members visit her and that number would have been 8 had it not been for a surgery, a temp of 103 and possible pneumonia. But why wasnt the number of family members coming to give Catie their love and my parents some support over 30+? If I could just be given a reason maybe I wouldnt be so frustrated.. is our family tired of hearing about it? is she old news? I dont get it.. if she hadn't come home what would they have told me at her service that I could believe to be genuine? I can't believe that no one knew how serious it was since all of our friends new without even being given details..
now for the happy stuff..
All of the lack of interest/concern from family toward the situation was a good thing because it showed me who our real family is. Our friends. Not my friends that I've grown up with over the years.. graduated kindergarten, junior high and highschool with (and please don't tell me you didn't know about it cause we all live our lives on fb) I'm talking about everyone else.. The 50+ people that came to visit Catie and bring food and cards to my parents.. the friends that just came and sat next to Catie.. the friends that brought dinners to my siblings and made themselves available for worst case scenarios.. the friends that came and prayed over my parents and Catie multiple times. The friends that blew my phone up with text messages even when they themselves were sick and in and out of the doctors..
I know it shouldn't matter because I know everyone cares about Catie, our family included and the love, encouragement and support from so many friends should be enough. I really don't think some people realize how much support helps get through a situation like this. How much it means when people take the time out of their life to stop and pay a visit. Stop and make a phone call. I mean, if you can call when you're half way across the U.S. in a blizzard and a freezing cold mini van, I'd like to think you sure as hell could call from solano county, the bay area or sacramento.
I always read my moms emails that she sends out.. (yeah, the whole thing tony haha) and I'm amazed. I don't know how my parents stay so positive. Just another reason I look up to them so much. But just because 99.9% of the time they are positive doesn't mean that they aren't hurt for the same reasons I am. Its just life I guess... Its just me throwing myself a pity party like usual and not knowing how to grieve without getting mad at everyone thats not there for me or my family instead of getting mad at batten disease. I'm the only one that can get rid of the bitter half of my blogs and the bitter half of my thoughts and feelings..
I love how I have to type a novel to realize this stuff.
Anyway.. these things really do make me feel like I'll puke everywhere.. but then things calm down and I find myself sitting in the same room as Catie at home and I'm fine again.. I have more time to spend with her and try and figure out how to handle everything the next time around... oi.. Lets hope its not for a long time...
Now that all that steam has been let off..
This last week my family came closer than ever before to losing Catie-Nana. You could imagine the relief that was felt as she sat in her cozy green chair last night with her new blanket that she had explained was from her friend Sandy. The best feeling was when she asked for pizza for dinner.. like nothing had ever happened.
At one point in the hospital my dad put his arm around me and asked if I was ready for this..anybody that knows me could answer that one.. he went on to explain that he could be ready in two years..knowing that he will never be ready I realized how desperate we all were for more time. Someone had made the comment that we should be ready since we have known this was coming for years... how ignorant. Thats one thing that is always brought to my attention in these situations.. sucky people. I'm not even going to sugar coat it cause I dont sugar coat anything but cookies and cupcakes. To be honest though, I have never been more disapointed and more encouraged at the same time in my life by people. We all know how I always see the negative first and then have to make myself chill out and look for all the positive... thats why at the end of day one in the hospital I had even thought to make a visitor tally.Thats also why in all my blogs I start off in biotch mode and end with happy thankful mode. So here we go..
Can I just ask a question?
Where the hell was our family through all of this? At the closest possible time of Caties death where were her cousins, aunts and uncles? She had 3 family members visit her and that number would have been 8 had it not been for a surgery, a temp of 103 and possible pneumonia. But why wasnt the number of family members coming to give Catie their love and my parents some support over 30+? If I could just be given a reason maybe I wouldnt be so frustrated.. is our family tired of hearing about it? is she old news? I dont get it.. if she hadn't come home what would they have told me at her service that I could believe to be genuine? I can't believe that no one knew how serious it was since all of our friends new without even being given details..
now for the happy stuff..
All of the lack of interest/concern from family toward the situation was a good thing because it showed me who our real family is. Our friends. Not my friends that I've grown up with over the years.. graduated kindergarten, junior high and highschool with (and please don't tell me you didn't know about it cause we all live our lives on fb) I'm talking about everyone else.. The 50+ people that came to visit Catie and bring food and cards to my parents.. the friends that just came and sat next to Catie.. the friends that brought dinners to my siblings and made themselves available for worst case scenarios.. the friends that came and prayed over my parents and Catie multiple times. The friends that blew my phone up with text messages even when they themselves were sick and in and out of the doctors..
I know it shouldn't matter because I know everyone cares about Catie, our family included and the love, encouragement and support from so many friends should be enough. I really don't think some people realize how much support helps get through a situation like this. How much it means when people take the time out of their life to stop and pay a visit. Stop and make a phone call. I mean, if you can call when you're half way across the U.S. in a blizzard and a freezing cold mini van, I'd like to think you sure as hell could call from solano county, the bay area or sacramento.
I always read my moms emails that she sends out.. (yeah, the whole thing tony haha) and I'm amazed. I don't know how my parents stay so positive. Just another reason I look up to them so much. But just because 99.9% of the time they are positive doesn't mean that they aren't hurt for the same reasons I am. Its just life I guess... Its just me throwing myself a pity party like usual and not knowing how to grieve without getting mad at everyone thats not there for me or my family instead of getting mad at batten disease. I'm the only one that can get rid of the bitter half of my blogs and the bitter half of my thoughts and feelings..
I love how I have to type a novel to realize this stuff.
Anyway.. these things really do make me feel like I'll puke everywhere.. but then things calm down and I find myself sitting in the same room as Catie at home and I'm fine again.. I have more time to spend with her and try and figure out how to handle everything the next time around... oi.. Lets hope its not for a long time...
Now that all that steam has been let off..
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Ciao 2009
A list of some of my favorite memories made in 2009
January
Tony, Kyle and I celebrated the life of Frank J Pompi one night after he passed away. It was a sad night but one I'll always remember and love.
February
I celebrated New Years Eve with Catie and Annie. They had no idea they were listening to a youtube replay at 630 in the evening.
I also wrote 3 songs that I recorded with my husband in the studio. I felt so tight for writing songs, singing and playing them.
I made a baby and didn't even know it. :D
March
I was reminded of the importance of my dads career and the danger he puts himself in every day. I started loving my dad even more than I ever had or even thought possible. He's always been my hero, that month just gave me an even stronger respect. RIP Oakland officers.
April
I found out I was PREGNANT!!!
My husband and I celebrated our One Year Anniversary. Love you baby!
I saw Lily Allen ( my cruuuush!! ) in concert
May
I saw my baby in an ultrasound for the first time in my life.
July
I found out I was having a boy!
My husband graduated from college with a BAS in Audio Engineering
August
8th Annual Tahoe vacation with the fam
I made home made pasta sauce for the first time
September
I had a 3D ultrasound and saw my sons face for the first time
I started volunteering at the AWANAs program at my dads church
I had a photo shoot with Joey in my belly
I got a new car!
October
I was given a baby shower
I saw TTNY in SF
I celebrated Catie's 20th birthday with her
I purchased my brothers record, Road Maps and Heart Attacks
I went to DisneyLand with my family for a day <3
November
I was given another baby shower
I gave birth to my baby boy, Joseph Alan!!
December
I woke up on Christmas morning with my Husband on the right of me and my son on the left. xoxo
Talk about a good year!
Peace out 2009!
January
Tony, Kyle and I celebrated the life of Frank J Pompi one night after he passed away. It was a sad night but one I'll always remember and love.
February
I celebrated New Years Eve with Catie and Annie. They had no idea they were listening to a youtube replay at 630 in the evening.
I also wrote 3 songs that I recorded with my husband in the studio. I felt so tight for writing songs, singing and playing them.
I made a baby and didn't even know it. :D
March
I was reminded of the importance of my dads career and the danger he puts himself in every day. I started loving my dad even more than I ever had or even thought possible. He's always been my hero, that month just gave me an even stronger respect. RIP Oakland officers.
April
I found out I was PREGNANT!!!
My husband and I celebrated our One Year Anniversary. Love you baby!
I saw Lily Allen ( my cruuuush!! ) in concert
May
I saw my baby in an ultrasound for the first time in my life.
July
I found out I was having a boy!
My husband graduated from college with a BAS in Audio Engineering
August
8th Annual Tahoe vacation with the fam
I made home made pasta sauce for the first time
September
I had a 3D ultrasound and saw my sons face for the first time
I started volunteering at the AWANAs program at my dads church
I had a photo shoot with Joey in my belly
I got a new car!
October
I was given a baby shower
I saw TTNY in SF
I celebrated Catie's 20th birthday with her
I purchased my brothers record, Road Maps and Heart Attacks
I went to DisneyLand with my family for a day <3
November
I was given another baby shower
I gave birth to my baby boy, Joseph Alan!!
December
I woke up on Christmas morning with my Husband on the right of me and my son on the left. xoxo
Talk about a good year!
Peace out 2009!
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