What Itch?

It had been a week of trying to figure out what to do and failing when I called my mom in tears on Saturday night, desperate for help. I didn't stop to see what time it was, which I should have since it was Annies bed time. I didn't stop to realize it was Saturday night and she was so tired. I forgot that she had been taking care of Catie who has had a cold. I just called and within 30 minutes she arrived at my door with oatmeal bath, caladryl, cotton balls, chocolate and a smile.

Joey has been fighting a rash that started on his face and has now moved down to his feet. The ER doctor gave us benedryl that hasn't helped which causes even more concern to me as a mom. Trying to solve the problem is what moms do but after a week of zero success and zero sleep I lost it. I couldn't calm down my baby or sooth this itch that was all over his body and lost my cool. I doubted myself and my ability to be a good mom. Thankfully my mom was here in no time helping and before I knew it Joey was fast asleep in his bed. well, for a little while at least. He was finally calm. I still haven't figured out whats going on but I see his pedi tomorrow.

Joey wasn't the only person my mom's super woman abilities soothed Saturday night. As soon as that oatmeal bath was made and Joey was soaking I felt like I was soaking in my own oatmeal bath 15 years ago. We had gotten the chicken pox in the middle of summer. Because we were sick we had to miss a big church party and were devastated. One thing we were too young to realize at the time was that Kathy Allio's children do not miss out on a good time because of hundreds of itchy bumps multiplying on their skin. Matter of fact, when I think about the chicken pox I have no memory of the itch whatsoever. When I think chicken pox I think moms big smile sitting in front of her long curly hair thrown up on top of her head with a ball point pen stuck in it. An Apron covered in a home made glue mix and a giant balloon that she had us cover in strips of news paper. She was making a pinata with us. While it was drying there was a little swimming pool full of oatmeal bath that we swam in and popsicles for in between swim sessions. I'm sure I was whining and crying about itching but like I said, thinking back theres no itch. Just soothing memories. Once again, her oatmeal bath powers soothed me all these years later by soothing my itchy baby boy.

If 'mom' was a flavor of Life Savers I'm positive the hard candy would make quite the comeback.

Sweet Dreams

At the end of the day some things don't matter. Things like rat infestation in your apartment and management that doesn't want to fix it properly or let you out of your lease. Family-in-law members that lie and exaggerate the truth like little children and make you out to be someone that you are not just because they are threatened by the truth. Friends that use you for your boldness and honesty when they need you to stand up for them but don't stand up for you when you are being lied and exaggerated about. New neighbors that are louder than the street you live on, which trust me, is loud.
At the end of the day I rock my baby in my arms and say a prayer as I tuck him into bed and I look at his sweet face. Then I go out to the living room and sit with my husband, brother and 2 amazing friends and I realize how special it is to have such fabulous people in my life. I think about my mom who was over in a minute after a simple text asking her to come over with no explanation. She was just there for me cause I needed her. I look at our apartment and I'm thankful that although its rat infested, its a roof over our head and we aren't stranded somewhere because of a poor economy or earth quake. I think of my daddy who I didn't even talk to today but he was constantly on my mind because I just needed a hug and he gives the best ones when you feel like you're swimming up stream. I think of my siblings who cheered me up just by walking in the door and seeing their silly personalities bursting at the seams. I think of my Nonnie who is insane and grinds my gears but is still alive and made me smile when I saw her tonight no matter how hard I tried to frown about it. I'm thankful for my husband and that we can be mad at each other, honest about it and fix the problem because we love each other and hate to fight. I'm thankful for our In N Out that we ate for dinner since we can now spend the money on eating out without having guilt reflux build up over it.

I'm thankful that as crappy as today was, I lived it. I was with my family, I cuddled with my husband, I spent time with my closest friends. I kissed my baby good night. Sometimes it just takes until the end of the night when you lay your head on your pillow and thank God for the day that you are able to see how good you really have it. Rats and all.

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

While I was pregnant I did alot of research.. I'd spend time on a specific baby website that covered every single thing you could think of. They even sent weekly emails with special info in them that explained developements your baby was making that week. They also explained everything I needed to know for myself like, why I craved what I did, how to prevent stretch marks for as long as possible, how to exercise properly etc. It was SO helpful! I still get emails each week which is pretty awesome, but now its all postpardum stuff. After the baby comes articles like, how to deal with excessive crying from your baby, as well as yourself, how to deal with your man when he hasn't gotten any in months, how to minimize stretch marks, lose weight, breastfeed and heal your pooch when it looks and feels like it survived a war. All while looking pretty and wearing a smile on your face. ha. So of course there are articles that have tips on how to help your self esteem cause not only was your precious pooch beaten to death, your stomach was stretched out and your ankles became kankles.. ya gotta pretty up your inside before your outside can look good and thats when this article caught my attention. A dr. explained that when you hit that low a few months after pregnancy, make a list of all the things you are proud of that you did from the time you were prego until now. Sounds pretty conceited, especially because I know its only by the grace of God that I survived haha but after a sweet little 1st grader decided to tell me that she was concerned I had another baby that I needed to take out of my belly, I hit my low and decided to make my list. So here goes..

I am proud that I:

Chose life.
Survived morning sickness for the first 16 weeks.
Packed up & drove my sisters through the santa cruz mountains to get them to the relay on time and didn't puke til I got there.
Continued doing hair throughout my entire pregnancy.
Exercised daily up until 8 months.. then I got a liiiittle lazy.
Never made Kyle go buy me food in the middle of the night, no matter how bad I needed it.
Wore a bikini and didn't care.
Made a 2 teir graduation cake for my sister in-law.
Wore makeup and did my hair 75% of my pregnancy.
Shaved everything.. yes. everything.. up until the week I gave birth.
Gave myself a pedicure at 32 weeks along.
Never slapped anyone in the face, now matter how bad I wanted to, for telling me how huge I was.
Gave two haircuts the night I went into labor.
Never ate an entire apple pie in one sitting. I made it last over a 2 day period AND shared some with Kyle.
Never gave in and satisfied my craving for dirt.
Walked up and down the hospital for 2 hours after labor started without any medication.
Didn't cry when the nurse pulled out my first epidural needle and stuck me on attempt #2.
Never screamed at Kyle, even when he ate multiple meals in front of me and then offered me a bite of ice chips during labor.
Never told my mom to stop looking so stinkin happy about me feeling like I was dying. The smiles, they get irritating as your contractions worsen.
Was in labor for 24 hours and pushed for 2 1/2 of it.
Gave birth to an 8.10lb baby who was mostly head.
Never gave up on breastfeeding.
Got my son through his first bad cold at only 4 wks old. Its terrifying, trust me.
Lost 30 of my 35lbs of prego weight in 7 weeks.
Never yelled at Kyle for getting 9+ hours of sleep every night since Joey was born.
Worked my butt off to get my baby on a schedule so that he would be happy and sleep through the night.

Have cleaned up my dirty mouth and didn't even have to chew Orbit.

Have continued exercising so I can be a healthy mom.

Can look at my stretch marks as something that only makes you a prettier woman, no matter what the magazines say.
Am ok with the fact that your hips stay wider after birth. Its so you can balance a baby and a laundry basket on each side.

Survived. :)

Yeah, still feels very conceited but who would have thought.. that Dr. knows what she's talking about! Sitting back and looking at everything makes me feel so much better. Looking at my sweet little family that I don't deserve makes me feel more than better, it makes me feel blessed! <3 I love you my sweet boys!