It had been a week of trying to figure out what to do and failing when I called my mom in tears on Saturday night, desperate for help. I didn't stop to see what time it was, which I should have since it was Annies bed time. I didn't stop to realize it was Saturday night and she was so tired. I forgot that she had been taking care of Catie who has had a cold. I just called and within 30 minutes she arrived at my door with oatmeal bath, caladryl, cotton balls, chocolate and a smile.
Joey has been fighting a rash that started on his face and has now moved down to his feet. The ER doctor gave us benedryl that hasn't helped which causes even more concern to me as a mom. Trying to solve the problem is what moms do but after a week of zero success and zero sleep I lost it. I couldn't calm down my baby or sooth this itch that was all over his body and lost my cool. I doubted myself and my ability to be a good mom. Thankfully my mom was here in no time helping and before I knew it Joey was fast asleep in his bed. well, for a little while at least. He was finally calm. I still haven't figured out whats going on but I see his pedi tomorrow.
Joey wasn't the only person my mom's super woman abilities soothed Saturday night. As soon as that oatmeal bath was made and Joey was soaking I felt like I was soaking in my own oatmeal bath 15 years ago. We had gotten the chicken pox in the middle of summer. Because we were sick we had to miss a big church party and were devastated. One thing we were too young to realize at the time was that Kathy Allio's children do not miss out on a good time because of hundreds of itchy bumps multiplying on their skin. Matter of fact, when I think about the chicken pox I have no memory of the itch whatsoever. When I think chicken pox I think moms big smile sitting in front of her long curly hair thrown up on top of her head with a ball point pen stuck in it. An Apron covered in a home made glue mix and a giant balloon that she had us cover in strips of news paper. She was making a pinata with us. While it was drying there was a little swimming pool full of oatmeal bath that we swam in and popsicles for in between swim sessions. I'm sure I was whining and crying about itching but like I said, thinking back theres no itch. Just soothing memories. Once again, her oatmeal bath powers soothed me all these years later by soothing my itchy baby boy.
If 'mom' was a flavor of Life Savers I'm positive the hard candy would make quite the comeback.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sweet Dreams
At the end of the day some things don't matter. Things like rat infestation in your apartment and management that doesn't want to fix it properly or let you out of your lease. Family-in-law members that lie and exaggerate the truth like little children and make you out to be someone that you are not just because they are threatened by the truth. Friends that use you for your boldness and honesty when they need you to stand up for them but don't stand up for you when you are being lied and exaggerated about. New neighbors that are louder than the street you live on, which trust me, is loud.
At the end of the day I rock my baby in my arms and say a prayer as I tuck him into bed and I look at his sweet face. Then I go out to the living room and sit with my husband, brother and 2 amazing friends and I realize how special it is to have such fabulous people in my life. I think about my mom who was over in a minute after a simple text asking her to come over with no explanation. She was just there for me cause I needed her. I look at our apartment and I'm thankful that although its rat infested, its a roof over our head and we aren't stranded somewhere because of a poor economy or earth quake. I think of my daddy who I didn't even talk to today but he was constantly on my mind because I just needed a hug and he gives the best ones when you feel like you're swimming up stream. I think of my siblings who cheered me up just by walking in the door and seeing their silly personalities bursting at the seams. I think of my Nonnie who is insane and grinds my gears but is still alive and made me smile when I saw her tonight no matter how hard I tried to frown about it. I'm thankful for my husband and that we can be mad at each other, honest about it and fix the problem because we love each other and hate to fight. I'm thankful for our In N Out that we ate for dinner since we can now spend the money on eating out without having guilt reflux build up over it.
I'm thankful that as crappy as today was, I lived it. I was with my family, I cuddled with my husband, I spent time with my closest friends. I kissed my baby good night. Sometimes it just takes until the end of the night when you lay your head on your pillow and thank God for the day that you are able to see how good you really have it. Rats and all.
At the end of the day I rock my baby in my arms and say a prayer as I tuck him into bed and I look at his sweet face. Then I go out to the living room and sit with my husband, brother and 2 amazing friends and I realize how special it is to have such fabulous people in my life. I think about my mom who was over in a minute after a simple text asking her to come over with no explanation. She was just there for me cause I needed her. I look at our apartment and I'm thankful that although its rat infested, its a roof over our head and we aren't stranded somewhere because of a poor economy or earth quake. I think of my daddy who I didn't even talk to today but he was constantly on my mind because I just needed a hug and he gives the best ones when you feel like you're swimming up stream. I think of my siblings who cheered me up just by walking in the door and seeing their silly personalities bursting at the seams. I think of my Nonnie who is insane and grinds my gears but is still alive and made me smile when I saw her tonight no matter how hard I tried to frown about it. I'm thankful for my husband and that we can be mad at each other, honest about it and fix the problem because we love each other and hate to fight. I'm thankful for our In N Out that we ate for dinner since we can now spend the money on eating out without having guilt reflux build up over it.
I'm thankful that as crappy as today was, I lived it. I was with my family, I cuddled with my husband, I spent time with my closest friends. I kissed my baby good night. Sometimes it just takes until the end of the night when you lay your head on your pillow and thank God for the day that you are able to see how good you really have it. Rats and all.
Monday, March 8, 2010
I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar
While I was pregnant I did alot of research.. I'd spend time on a specific baby website that covered every single thing you could think of. They even sent weekly emails with special info in them that explained developements your baby was making that week. They also explained everything I needed to know for myself like, why I craved what I did, how to prevent stretch marks for as long as possible, how to exercise properly etc. It was SO helpful! I still get emails each week which is pretty awesome, but now its all postpardum stuff. After the baby comes articles like, how to deal with excessive crying from your baby, as well as yourself, how to deal with your man when he hasn't gotten any in months, how to minimize stretch marks, lose weight, breastfeed and heal your pooch when it looks and feels like it survived a war. All while looking pretty and wearing a smile on your face. ha. So of course there are articles that have tips on how to help your self esteem cause not only was your precious pooch beaten to death, your stomach was stretched out and your ankles became kankles.. ya gotta pretty up your inside before your outside can look good and thats when this article caught my attention. A dr. explained that when you hit that low a few months after pregnancy, make a list of all the things you are proud of that you did from the time you were prego until now. Sounds pretty conceited, especially because I know its only by the grace of God that I survived haha but after a sweet little 1st grader decided to tell me that she was concerned I had another baby that I needed to take out of my belly, I hit my low and decided to make my list. So here goes..
I am proud that I:
Chose life.
Survived morning sickness for the first 16 weeks.
Packed up & drove my sisters through the santa cruz mountains to get them to the relay on time and didn't puke til I got there.
Continued doing hair throughout my entire pregnancy.
Exercised daily up until 8 months.. then I got a liiiittle lazy.
Never made Kyle go buy me food in the middle of the night, no matter how bad I needed it.
Wore a bikini and didn't care.
Made a 2 teir graduation cake for my sister in-law.
Wore makeup and did my hair 75% of my pregnancy.
Shaved everything.. yes. everything.. up until the week I gave birth.
Gave myself a pedicure at 32 weeks along.
Never slapped anyone in the face, now matter how bad I wanted to, for telling me how huge I was.
Gave two haircuts the night I went into labor.
Never ate an entire apple pie in one sitting. I made it last over a 2 day period AND shared some with Kyle.
Never gave in and satisfied my craving for dirt.
Walked up and down the hospital for 2 hours after labor started without any medication.
Didn't cry when the nurse pulled out my first epidural needle and stuck me on attempt #2.
Never screamed at Kyle, even when he ate multiple meals in front of me and then offered me a bite of ice chips during labor.
Never told my mom to stop looking so stinkin happy about me feeling like I was dying. The smiles, they get irritating as your contractions worsen.
Was in labor for 24 hours and pushed for 2 1/2 of it.
Gave birth to an 8.10lb baby who was mostly head.
Never gave up on breastfeeding.
Got my son through his first bad cold at only 4 wks old. Its terrifying, trust me.
Lost 30 of my 35lbs of prego weight in 7 weeks.
Never yelled at Kyle for getting 9+ hours of sleep every night since Joey was born.
Worked my butt off to get my baby on a schedule so that he would be happy and sleep through the night.
Can look at my stretch marks as something that only makes you a prettier woman, no matter what the magazines say.
Am ok with the fact that your hips stay wider after birth. Its so you can balance a baby and a laundry basket on each side.
Survived. :)
Yeah, still feels very conceited but who would have thought.. that Dr. knows what she's talking about! Sitting back and looking at everything makes me feel so much better. Looking at my sweet little family that I don't deserve makes me feel more than better, it makes me feel blessed! <3 I love you my sweet boys!
I am proud that I:
Chose life.
Survived morning sickness for the first 16 weeks.
Packed up & drove my sisters through the santa cruz mountains to get them to the relay on time and didn't puke til I got there.
Continued doing hair throughout my entire pregnancy.
Exercised daily up until 8 months.. then I got a liiiittle lazy.
Never made Kyle go buy me food in the middle of the night, no matter how bad I needed it.
Wore a bikini and didn't care.
Made a 2 teir graduation cake for my sister in-law.
Wore makeup and did my hair 75% of my pregnancy.
Shaved everything.. yes. everything.. up until the week I gave birth.
Gave myself a pedicure at 32 weeks along.
Never slapped anyone in the face, now matter how bad I wanted to, for telling me how huge I was.
Gave two haircuts the night I went into labor.
Never ate an entire apple pie in one sitting. I made it last over a 2 day period AND shared some with Kyle.
Never gave in and satisfied my craving for dirt.
Walked up and down the hospital for 2 hours after labor started without any medication.
Didn't cry when the nurse pulled out my first epidural needle and stuck me on attempt #2.
Never screamed at Kyle, even when he ate multiple meals in front of me and then offered me a bite of ice chips during labor.
Never told my mom to stop looking so stinkin happy about me feeling like I was dying. The smiles, they get irritating as your contractions worsen.
Was in labor for 24 hours and pushed for 2 1/2 of it.
Gave birth to an 8.10lb baby who was mostly head.
Never gave up on breastfeeding.
Got my son through his first bad cold at only 4 wks old. Its terrifying, trust me.
Lost 30 of my 35lbs of prego weight in 7 weeks.
Never yelled at Kyle for getting 9+ hours of sleep every night since Joey was born.
Worked my butt off to get my baby on a schedule so that he would be happy and sleep through the night.
Have cleaned up my dirty mouth and didn't even have to chew Orbit.
Have continued exercising so I can be a healthy mom.
Can look at my stretch marks as something that only makes you a prettier woman, no matter what the magazines say.
Am ok with the fact that your hips stay wider after birth. Its so you can balance a baby and a laundry basket on each side.
Survived. :)
Yeah, still feels very conceited but who would have thought.. that Dr. knows what she's talking about! Sitting back and looking at everything makes me feel so much better. Looking at my sweet little family that I don't deserve makes me feel more than better, it makes me feel blessed! <3 I love you my sweet boys!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Lifes a Beach
So our lease is up in September.. Kyles thinking of moving to Dixon, I'm thinking more tropical. Less farm land, more beach. Less grocery store, more bananas and fire grilled fish. Less housing more huts. Less people more us. Just the 3 of us and maybe two great danes, just like Swiss Family Robinson. Of course, I wouldn't want to be stranded there. It would be ideal if we could leave and come back but no one could get to us haha.. that way we could go visit our family on the weekends if we wanted or run to target every once and a while. There would be NO cell service though and no phone lines.. and internet would be kind of like transportation. We could fb and email people but they can't fb or email back. Sounds like some ideal living to me :) Then we wouldn't have to hear about who hates who, who deserves what, who is right and who is wrong. No more hate between friends and family, friends and friends, family and family. No more drama basically. I will admit, I'm a drama addict and in order to get help I gotta get away maybe? k, thats just an excuse to live in my tropical home, but still. I had a good talk with my mom about distance and how healthy it can be. How the slightest bit of distance can make some relationships last longer and stay healthier so they don't ever come to an end. It was a good talk. My mom is a wonderful example to me and an amazing friend. I'm so thankful that I can tell her ANYTHING and she gives me the counsel that I need, not always want. She's level headed and gracious. I love her.. maaaaybe she can come to our tropical home... just maaaaybe.
Most likely we will just end up in Dixon and my tropical dreams and great danes will have to wait, but that doesn't mean that my husband and I aren't setting boundaries for ourselves and our son. Some distance. Its awkward at first maybe, but so healthy in the long run. And by boundaries I don't mean no cell service lol.
Most likely we will just end up in Dixon and my tropical dreams and great danes will have to wait, but that doesn't mean that my husband and I aren't setting boundaries for ourselves and our son. Some distance. Its awkward at first maybe, but so healthy in the long run. And by boundaries I don't mean no cell service lol.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
My Sisters Keeper
I watched this movie last night and didn't know what I was in for. I had a feeling it would be sad but I had no idea it would hit the nail on the head. I fell asleep cuddled in my husbands strongs arms with a stuffy nose and teary eyes. I couldn't believe how similar some of the situations were and how well they grasped the reality of having a sick family member. I was amazed at the scene where the family is getting ready to take their last trip to the beach. The two 'healthy' siblings were getting things together, stopped and stared at each other with the same look Tony and I have shared before. Its that look that says a million things at once like, I know this is her last ___ or, what if she dies after she ___ ...You are too scared to be the one to say all your thoughts out loud but you know you don't have to because your family is having the same exact thoughts race through their head at the same time. Or how 'bout the scene where the family is sitting in the hospital room the day of their daughters/sisters death and the crazy friends and family are going on and on about "just having to think the cancer away" or "just focus more" and sharing crazy stories that aren't true about people in different situations that don't apply to the situation at hand. These scense pulled me into the movie because they are so real. So real that I started getting jealous of different parts of the movie.
I became jealous when the little sister sat at the table and told her parents how angry she was at them for certain things. In the real world that is impossible because you would only cause more damage to them. When your a kid you can't see the whole picture. You don't see your parents fighting to take care of both kids, healthy and sick. You only see what hurts you and frustrates you without understanding why.
I became jealous when the two sisters where laying outside on the grass together talking about boys, each other, life and death. I haven't shared moments like that with Catie since we were little girls. I miss it. I miss being able to have a normal conversation with her. I was jealous because even though this kids sister was sick and dying, they could still talk and share secrets.
I became jealous toward the end of the movie when the sister was dying and was able to tell her siblings she loved them and goodbye. Maybe its good. Maybe it would be harder to clearly be able to say good bye at the end of Caties life.
I was jealous during the funeral scene because her life was over and it was time for them to move on. At Caties funeral we will be thinking about Annies in the future.
Its stupid how into it I got.. that I was so jealous of a story that isn't true. Thats just the thing tho... its not a true life story but it portrays many true life stories that have existed and are still being lived...
One thing that movie did for me was make me thankful. I was SO thankful for my parents. I would think as a parent of sick and healthy kids that this movie has the ability to make you feel like a bad parent. I think they could have portrayed the parents a little differently. At the same time tho, think about it, it is pretty realistic. You have two kids playing outside. They both trip on each other and fall down. One has a scratch on their knee and the other doesn't. Which kid do you pick up, set on the table and put a band aid on? The kid with the scratch. Where is the kid that fell but didn't get a scratch? walking beside their parent and sibling over to the table and watching their sibling be taken care of. Now look at the same situation on a larger scale.. You have a terminal kid that needs constant care and although the healthy sib is hurt too, they are healthy so the stay along side and watch the terminal sib be taken care of. That is something you can not understand when you are young and the reason you'd wish you could sit at a table and scream all your feelings out. But that doesn't mean parents don't do the very best they can. My parents are amazing for many reasons. The care the give to each of us kids is one of them. I can't imagine how it must feel to have to take care of both but I know my parents do the best they can and that is where I felt the movie wasn't mirrored to our family situation.
The movie also made me thankful for Batten Disease. They say its one of the worst diseases a child can have but if you ask me, I'll take 2 batten sibs over a cancer sib any day. I know, I know, its completely different but still. Its easy to feel like you're alone in your fight for life with your siblings but this movie reminded me that it could always, always be worse...
Overall I think it was an amazing movie. The perfect picture of the extremes you go to as a parent to keep your child alive and the extremes you'd go to as a sib to make your sibling happy.
I became jealous when the little sister sat at the table and told her parents how angry she was at them for certain things. In the real world that is impossible because you would only cause more damage to them. When your a kid you can't see the whole picture. You don't see your parents fighting to take care of both kids, healthy and sick. You only see what hurts you and frustrates you without understanding why.
I became jealous when the two sisters where laying outside on the grass together talking about boys, each other, life and death. I haven't shared moments like that with Catie since we were little girls. I miss it. I miss being able to have a normal conversation with her. I was jealous because even though this kids sister was sick and dying, they could still talk and share secrets.
I became jealous toward the end of the movie when the sister was dying and was able to tell her siblings she loved them and goodbye. Maybe its good. Maybe it would be harder to clearly be able to say good bye at the end of Caties life.
I was jealous during the funeral scene because her life was over and it was time for them to move on. At Caties funeral we will be thinking about Annies in the future.
Its stupid how into it I got.. that I was so jealous of a story that isn't true. Thats just the thing tho... its not a true life story but it portrays many true life stories that have existed and are still being lived...
One thing that movie did for me was make me thankful. I was SO thankful for my parents. I would think as a parent of sick and healthy kids that this movie has the ability to make you feel like a bad parent. I think they could have portrayed the parents a little differently. At the same time tho, think about it, it is pretty realistic. You have two kids playing outside. They both trip on each other and fall down. One has a scratch on their knee and the other doesn't. Which kid do you pick up, set on the table and put a band aid on? The kid with the scratch. Where is the kid that fell but didn't get a scratch? walking beside their parent and sibling over to the table and watching their sibling be taken care of. Now look at the same situation on a larger scale.. You have a terminal kid that needs constant care and although the healthy sib is hurt too, they are healthy so the stay along side and watch the terminal sib be taken care of. That is something you can not understand when you are young and the reason you'd wish you could sit at a table and scream all your feelings out. But that doesn't mean parents don't do the very best they can. My parents are amazing for many reasons. The care the give to each of us kids is one of them. I can't imagine how it must feel to have to take care of both but I know my parents do the best they can and that is where I felt the movie wasn't mirrored to our family situation.
The movie also made me thankful for Batten Disease. They say its one of the worst diseases a child can have but if you ask me, I'll take 2 batten sibs over a cancer sib any day. I know, I know, its completely different but still. Its easy to feel like you're alone in your fight for life with your siblings but this movie reminded me that it could always, always be worse...
Overall I think it was an amazing movie. The perfect picture of the extremes you go to as a parent to keep your child alive and the extremes you'd go to as a sib to make your sibling happy.
To Whom it may concern...
Dear Debbie-Downer,
Two years ago I had a conversation with you that I will never forget. You asked me when my new husband and I planned to have children. I answered your question and you continued the conversation by telling me I was wrong. You told me that it would be selfish of me to have children while my sister Catie is alive because she wants to have a baby so badly. It would make sense that you would feel this way for two reasons. First, you are a very negative person. I remember your smiles, majority of the time, were only on your face because you were talking about food or making fun of someone. You were never happy and were excellent at finding the bad in everything. Even when it didn't exist, you made it. So it would make sense that in an exciting situation, like a new life, you'd have to go and be negative at the thought. Second, you don't know Catie. She became an inconvenience and then non existent in your life so it would make sense for you to assume she'd be upset if I were to ever become pregnant, because you don't know her. You don't know what makes her happy.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but there is thing called Survivors Guilt. Google it. I struggle with it and although I knew how ridiculous your comments were, I still couldn't get them out of my head.
Exactly 1 year later I ran into you again, this time 2 months pregnant. Rather than congratulate me on my pregnancy, you doubtfully questioned Caties happiness in the situation. I want you to know that when I found out I was pregnant, your comment was one of my first thoughts. That makes me so angry because like I said, it was ridiculous and yet, I still allowed myself to think about it and wonder if it could be true. I'm happy to inform you that I did tell Catie I was pregnant and she was so excited to become an Aunt. One year later she is still happy to be an aunt. Matter of fact, the only thing about my baby that does upset her is having to wait her turn to hold him every day.
I used to hope I'd run into you. I couldn't wait to point my finger square in your face and accuse you of being all of the things that make you who you are. Thankfully, I never did run into you and that gave me time. Time to think about it a lot and realize how hurtful that would have been to you. After all, "an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind." Who am I to think that lecturing you would change you? It won't. I just want you to know that you are capable of hurting feelings and maybe you could be more careful with the next sib you talk to. I want you to know that I am no longer mad at you, but rather sad. I feel sorry for you when I think about the situation. I can't understand being able to think the way you do and I only hope and pray that one day you will know a true happiness and peace that passes all understanding. Then you can have smiles that mean something wonderful.
I've attached some pictures that I took of Auntie Catie and baby Joey cuddled together. I hope you'll take some time to look at them and hopefully realize how precious of a gift it is for me to see my baby sister hold my baby boy and enjoy it. I feel like I should thank you because if you hadn't made such a big deal about my life and the people in it, I probably would not appreciate the moment as much as I do.
Take care,
Kelly
p.s. My baby is cuter than your 3 babies and your grand baby combined..
Two years ago I had a conversation with you that I will never forget. You asked me when my new husband and I planned to have children. I answered your question and you continued the conversation by telling me I was wrong. You told me that it would be selfish of me to have children while my sister Catie is alive because she wants to have a baby so badly. It would make sense that you would feel this way for two reasons. First, you are a very negative person. I remember your smiles, majority of the time, were only on your face because you were talking about food or making fun of someone. You were never happy and were excellent at finding the bad in everything. Even when it didn't exist, you made it. So it would make sense that in an exciting situation, like a new life, you'd have to go and be negative at the thought. Second, you don't know Catie. She became an inconvenience and then non existent in your life so it would make sense for you to assume she'd be upset if I were to ever become pregnant, because you don't know her. You don't know what makes her happy.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but there is thing called Survivors Guilt. Google it. I struggle with it and although I knew how ridiculous your comments were, I still couldn't get them out of my head.
Exactly 1 year later I ran into you again, this time 2 months pregnant. Rather than congratulate me on my pregnancy, you doubtfully questioned Caties happiness in the situation. I want you to know that when I found out I was pregnant, your comment was one of my first thoughts. That makes me so angry because like I said, it was ridiculous and yet, I still allowed myself to think about it and wonder if it could be true. I'm happy to inform you that I did tell Catie I was pregnant and she was so excited to become an Aunt. One year later she is still happy to be an aunt. Matter of fact, the only thing about my baby that does upset her is having to wait her turn to hold him every day.
I used to hope I'd run into you. I couldn't wait to point my finger square in your face and accuse you of being all of the things that make you who you are. Thankfully, I never did run into you and that gave me time. Time to think about it a lot and realize how hurtful that would have been to you. After all, "an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind." Who am I to think that lecturing you would change you? It won't. I just want you to know that you are capable of hurting feelings and maybe you could be more careful with the next sib you talk to. I want you to know that I am no longer mad at you, but rather sad. I feel sorry for you when I think about the situation. I can't understand being able to think the way you do and I only hope and pray that one day you will know a true happiness and peace that passes all understanding. Then you can have smiles that mean something wonderful.
I've attached some pictures that I took of Auntie Catie and baby Joey cuddled together. I hope you'll take some time to look at them and hopefully realize how precious of a gift it is for me to see my baby sister hold my baby boy and enjoy it. I feel like I should thank you because if you hadn't made such a big deal about my life and the people in it, I probably would not appreciate the moment as much as I do.
Take care,
Kelly
p.s. My baby is cuter than your 3 babies and your grand baby combined..
what?? You really think I'd leave out the spunk in one of my blogs? psh...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Barbie Legs
I unwrapped the plastic packaging and then unrolled my new pink yoga mat given to me by Santa this Christmas.. I love yoga.. its so relaxing and it feels so refreshing and Santa knows that.. Even better than the feel of a good yoga sesh is the smell of the mat. That brand new rubber smell. If you could get high off of sniffing yoga mats I would have been stoned outa my mind the other day.. I got behind in my follow-along-work out dvd because as soon as I got ready for my push ups I could smell the rubber. Just stop and imagine it for a minute. Alone in the living room, you can hear the way too in shape work out instructor getting even more ripped and there I am, face down on my gut caressing my mat in my hands. My eyes are closed and I'm sniffing in as long and as hard as I possible can, over and over. So if you ever wonder why my arms are flappier than an elephants ears its because I'd rather sniff rubber than do my push ups. oh, and I love food.
anyway..
This smell of rubber not only smells amazing but triggers amazing memories.. or so I thought. I guess they are amazing now but at the very moment these memories were made it was nothing more than a feeling of excruciating pain.
The smell of my new yoga mat smells JUST like the smell of a brand new Barbie. You know, when you pull back the pink tabs on the box and slide out the cardboard insert that Barbie, her brush and shoes were attached to? I couldn't wait to run my fingers through her silky fake hair but of course it was always tied down so there was that quick rush to free her from her packaging. Its like you couldn't do it fast enough and back in my day(yes I'm now old enough to say that) Barbie was just strapped in with some thin thread.. not all that plastic crap that'll break your scissors trying to cut her out of. I'd snap the threads and my new barbie would be free! Free to be sniffed! haha man I'm weird. Its the truth though.. they had that fresh brand new Barbie smell that smells like Christmas morning or your birthday.
If you knew me as a kid you'd understand why I got so excited over little things like taking Barbie out of her box. I LIVED Barbie. I had Barbie travel cases to keep just enough barbies and clothes to last an over night trip to Nonnies.. I had Barbie motor homes.. Barbie swimming pools.. Barbie Jeeps, kitchens, houses.. you name it! and then, there was the tub. My pride and joy. My life. My everything. It was a big blue plastic tub with a lid and inside lived 52 Barbies. Yes, I remember the exact number.. you'll understand why in a minute. I loved each one of my Barbies like nothing else, but you know who didn't love them like I did? Catie. Catie loved dogs. Playing dogs that is... She was aaaalways on her knees licking the top of her hands like paws, growling at whoever she was mad at for the moment and always explaining what kind of dog she was, her name and her coloring. She even ate a piece of dog food once from the back yard.. this kid didn't mess around. Since she didn't mess around and had to be as much like a dog as possible, it would make sense that she would have to have a bone. What dog doesn't have a bone? Even better question.. what dog doesn't have a pile of bones! Its every dogs dream to have them piled high just like in the movie All Dogs Go to Heaven.. So Catie found herself a pile of bones.. She found them attached to the bodies of my 52 Barbies in my tub. Thats right.. she pulled off the legs of almost all of my barbies leaving legless torsos behind for me to find in my tub. Not even the silkiest blonde barbie hair could make them look beautiful again. They looked like they had been in a war with GI joes and little green army men. They had lost. I can remember like it was yesterday, walking over to my tub, pulling the lid back and my stomach turning. Being the cry baby that I am, I instantly starting bawling my eyes out. I can still see all the halves just piled in the tub with skirts and pants mixed in around them. I had about 10-15 survivors but the rest never made it. Now thinking back, I'm surprised Catie ever made it.... I was furious and now that I stop and think about it, at 22 years of age I'm still very bitter. You can't recover from a loss like that! All the years of collecting, dressing, hair brushing, accessorizing... ruined by a greedy dog that needed a pile of bones. I take it back.. this isn't an amazing memory..
So thats about as relaxing as my yoga sessions get.. I get high off my yoga mat and then think about old memories and my blood pressure rises until I'm steaming out the ears again.. I think its really doin something for me.. really working out those angry muscles in my face.. mm yeah.. that feels goooood.
RIP my Barbies.. I know you're in a better place where the streets are pink, you have your own pink castle and there isn't a dog in sight.
anyway..
This smell of rubber not only smells amazing but triggers amazing memories.. or so I thought. I guess they are amazing now but at the very moment these memories were made it was nothing more than a feeling of excruciating pain.
The smell of my new yoga mat smells JUST like the smell of a brand new Barbie. You know, when you pull back the pink tabs on the box and slide out the cardboard insert that Barbie, her brush and shoes were attached to? I couldn't wait to run my fingers through her silky fake hair but of course it was always tied down so there was that quick rush to free her from her packaging. Its like you couldn't do it fast enough and back in my day(yes I'm now old enough to say that) Barbie was just strapped in with some thin thread.. not all that plastic crap that'll break your scissors trying to cut her out of. I'd snap the threads and my new barbie would be free! Free to be sniffed! haha man I'm weird. Its the truth though.. they had that fresh brand new Barbie smell that smells like Christmas morning or your birthday.
If you knew me as a kid you'd understand why I got so excited over little things like taking Barbie out of her box. I LIVED Barbie. I had Barbie travel cases to keep just enough barbies and clothes to last an over night trip to Nonnies.. I had Barbie motor homes.. Barbie swimming pools.. Barbie Jeeps, kitchens, houses.. you name it! and then, there was the tub. My pride and joy. My life. My everything. It was a big blue plastic tub with a lid and inside lived 52 Barbies. Yes, I remember the exact number.. you'll understand why in a minute. I loved each one of my Barbies like nothing else, but you know who didn't love them like I did? Catie. Catie loved dogs. Playing dogs that is... She was aaaalways on her knees licking the top of her hands like paws, growling at whoever she was mad at for the moment and always explaining what kind of dog she was, her name and her coloring. She even ate a piece of dog food once from the back yard.. this kid didn't mess around. Since she didn't mess around and had to be as much like a dog as possible, it would make sense that she would have to have a bone. What dog doesn't have a bone? Even better question.. what dog doesn't have a pile of bones! Its every dogs dream to have them piled high just like in the movie All Dogs Go to Heaven.. So Catie found herself a pile of bones.. She found them attached to the bodies of my 52 Barbies in my tub. Thats right.. she pulled off the legs of almost all of my barbies leaving legless torsos behind for me to find in my tub. Not even the silkiest blonde barbie hair could make them look beautiful again. They looked like they had been in a war with GI joes and little green army men. They had lost. I can remember like it was yesterday, walking over to my tub, pulling the lid back and my stomach turning. Being the cry baby that I am, I instantly starting bawling my eyes out. I can still see all the halves just piled in the tub with skirts and pants mixed in around them. I had about 10-15 survivors but the rest never made it. Now thinking back, I'm surprised Catie ever made it.... I was furious and now that I stop and think about it, at 22 years of age I'm still very bitter. You can't recover from a loss like that! All the years of collecting, dressing, hair brushing, accessorizing... ruined by a greedy dog that needed a pile of bones. I take it back.. this isn't an amazing memory..
So thats about as relaxing as my yoga sessions get.. I get high off my yoga mat and then think about old memories and my blood pressure rises until I'm steaming out the ears again.. I think its really doin something for me.. really working out those angry muscles in my face.. mm yeah.. that feels goooood.
RIP my Barbies.. I know you're in a better place where the streets are pink, you have your own pink castle and there isn't a dog in sight.
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