Over the first hump...

Dear First Trimester,

Our time together is almost over now that I am 12 weeks and 5 days into this journey. I'm going to be honest, skip the bull sh*t and just get right to the point.

You were a complete pain in my side. You were worse of an experience than I had ever imagined. You stole 10 lbs from me in two weeks by making me throw up everything I did and did not put into my stomach. You then gave the 1o lbs right back 2 weeks later giving me an ugly vein in the side of my leg. You're lucky you don't have money or I'd be making you pay for my leg sleeves I will be getting tattooed on myself after this baby comes. Yes, I will be covering all of my war wounds with beautiful ink thanks to you. You made my home that I love and live in smell like a concert that sold old food and was sold out to smelly boys, hookers and dirty animals. I did not appreciate that whatsoever. You made me grouchy and snappy toward my husband who only wanted to love me through this. You made me spend way to much money on 711 slurpees and nestle quick choc milk and like I said earlier, you made me throw it all up. Thanks to you I have cried over silly things like greys anatomy, a baby story, last cake standing, fox and the hound, disneys planet earth and the santa cruz beach. You have taken my outward apperance and turned it back into a me I only knew and looked like at an awkard age of 15. You've made my hair straightener my enemy and make-up back a chore. We won't even discuss my love life since that took a break due to the constant throwing up. You are exhausting and completely consuming.

I would however, like to thank you for sticking around, as crappy of an experience as you've been. You've allowed me to get to know my body better as well as the little baby growing inside of me. Not everybody has the joy of getting through their relationship with you so I do feel blessed. In a sick and tired of you kind of way.

I have to be honest, I'm not going to miss you. I'm not too sure why they call you the first trimester... You definitely aren't number one in my book. I'm guessing it turns out this way so that we prego ppl can get you done and over with asap. I will see you in a few years. I repeat, YEARS. no more surprises please. I'll invite you back into my life when I am ready to visit with you again.

Now if you'll excuse me I am going to continue on with this pregnancy and get to know second trimester. I think i'm going to enjoy getting past this first hump and into the baby bump.
peace out you yucky three months.
adios.
caio.


p.s. thanks for my new boobs.... the look absolutely FANTASTIC!!!!!

"I'm with the SWAT team"

I'm staying at my family's tonight with Catie and Annie while mom and dad get a night away... I was in a hurry leaving my place this morning and didn't grab any pjs and now its that time of night. I promise you, you won't find me sleeping in that dress I had on earlier... its time to be comfy. Unfortunately I had to think about where I would find something to wear... There are a lot of shapes and sizes in this house and my tummy only seemed to fit one size. dads. (no dad, you don't look prego, you just wear the right size tshirt) So I found myself digging toward the bottom of my dads tshirt drawer looking for a pj shirt and was quickly sent back to rockhurst ct in a matter of seconds. Saturday night was shower-for-church-in-the-morning night... not the ONLY time we were bathed during the week haha just one day you could count on. We'd climb out of the huge tub in mom and dads bathroom. The one surrounded by the orange and gold leaf design of wall paper all the way up to the ceiling and right under the window that looked down into the backyard of our dysfunctional neighbors. I've always been one for snooping and drama, even at a young age. :) Kerri just little with dimples on her cooling still making her 2 maybe? catie 4ish and me 6ish... we'd all shiver as we walked over to the stairs to look into the picture hanging on the wall across from the stairway. You could see the reflection of the tv so we'd check to make sure we hadn't missed that nights episode of "COPS." Family tradish to watch it saturday nights. That reflection in that picture was bomb... I watched my first episode of Americas Most Wanted and some of Top Gun through that frame. Anyway, once we realized we hadn't missed COPS but it was coming on soon it was a rush to get our jammies on and hair brushed through. I remember having cute jammies... Barbie nightgowns and this one with colorful fluffy animal things on it but for some reason it seems like we always ended up in dads navy SWAT shirts on saturday nights. Maybe it was a quick one hit stop for mom? Bath, towels, and a SWAT shirt all in the same location, maybe we asked to wear them? That I can't remember, I just remember wearing them and feeling proud! Hoping at 6 that someone would come to the door and see me in it and think that maybe I was on the SWAT team too. haha right. We'd go downstairs and watch COPS while our long hair (down to our butts) was soaking the back of our shirts and then it was off to bed. I can remember Catie changing out of her shirt a few times cause it was wet... must have been those early batten moments of ocd and behaviors and she couldn't stand it, or maybe she just didn't like the feeling anyway.. I didn't mind though, I loved having it on. Like I said, I thought I could maybe look like the oversized tshirt was mine personally. It also smelled like my dad.. like a clean dad. Not like he had just had gotten back from swat training but more like the smell of the hug you got from him before he left. I even took his shirts with me when I'd go to my grandparents or a cousins house. I got homesick so it was like a blankie I could wear to bed. Plus it looked cool. Psh, yeah, my dads on the swat team, no biggie. Man it was a big deal as a little girl!! It has always stayed a big deal to me but as I got older I wore my own tshirts and jammies to bed and then before you know it youre a teen and its not cool to wear your dads old tshirts cause you notice the deoderant stains and they were oversized and we all know it matters what you look like when you crawl into bed by yourself with your dog. like, totally! Then all of a sudden you're an adult and married and your husbands tshirts become your blankie. You wear his when he's gone or when you stay the night away from him somewhere and you love the smell of his shirts. I'm sure our little kids will wear their daddies shirts to bed too... They won't be SWAT shirts but band t's and mac logos are just as cool right?
Funny how needing something to sleep in can flash so much memory into your mind so quickly. I didn't find a swat shirt but I found a relay shirt and I'm just was proud and comforted to wear it to bed at 22. It represents the SWAT member that is now a tiny bit older and maybe not laying in a bush for hours at a time but running miles to raise funds and awareness for the battle he and his whole family are going through. It represents the dedication he has continually shown to take care of each one of us on top of everyone else in his world day after day.
Maybe if someone sees me in it they will think I'm a runner???!!! haha who and I kidding. Me making someone think I'm a runner is as likely as making someone think I'm with the SWAT team at 6 years old. Here's to looking up to your dad and hoping though!

oh and for the record, I'm wearing amy's pj bottoms. Yeah, I fit in them, its chill.

My Family...

...is beyond blessed by our family, friends and community.

Should I Cry Now?

..or when I find the dead mouse on the trap when my husband isn't home.

So you know how your sense of smell is like a freaking scent vaccum when you're prego? Well I swear I have been smelling the most horrible smell ever in our apartment. I have had lysol parties with myself spraying the crap out of everything in sight and litterally crying to Kyle about the awful smell of our apartment and how its making me even more sick! I mean like aligator tears crying. He just shakes his head and says "I don't know what to tell you babe, you're nose is just sensitive, I'm sorry."
until today. I got a text from him saying "crap, we have mice. I found droppings all behind the couch." THE COUCH I HAVE BEEN LIVING ON!!!!!!! :::puuuuke:::
Hate my life right now! At least I'm not crazy and I really was smelling something. Now for the challenge of killing them... ALL OF THEM!!!


Operation kill-every-mouse-in-sight-and-get-my-nose-back-starts NOW.

Mom Times

Ugh being sick is really getting old and I'm only at 8 weeks. bad news man, bad news. But I know it's gonna be worth it!! I'm over at my family's house today and I'm having a really good day! I have some food in my stomach which is an amazing thing. Its funny how I always feel better when I'm over here. You'd think it would be the opposite since the tv is always going, everyone is always talking, catie is always yelling at everyone for talking while the tv is on and there are animals everywhere. Wow, my family's house really is nuts huh? Well still, I would rather be on the couch here than in my quiet apartment. Who knows, maybe I just happen to hit it right and only come over on afternoons that are better than others. Maybe I feel better cause my mom is in love with her AC and blasts it making it nice and cool inside. I know its not the smell of dog or food that makes me feel better. I'm pretty sure its just my MOM! Its funny, it doesn't matter how old you are, you still want your mommy when you don't feel good. She makes the day better. She isn't even here this afternoon, she is running errands while I stay with the girls but its still where she lives, cooks, works, sleeps... moms kinda rub off on their home when they are in it 24/7. This is a pic of my mom and I "gettin down" or not so much, at my Uncles wedding last fall. I'm so ready to be feeling better all the time and get back to being a dork with her.. We always have a blast when we hang out and I'm ready for it again!!! So morning sickness, DIE!! Go away, I've got a best friend to get busy with...

The Nerve.

Last May, one month after I had married Kyle Alan I was at work in the salon. A lady, her daughter and her daughters new baby came in to say hello. I've known them my entire life. Family friends, not as close as they used to be. They came in to introduce me to this new baby that was born just days after my wedding. After visiting for a few moments I was asked by the mother, "when do you and Kyle plan on having children?" a typical question that EVERYONE was asking. " not for a while, maybe 5 years or so, we aren't in a rush, just enjoying being married." She then obviously felt the need to give me her opinion. "well I certainly hope you will wait until Catie has passed away. You know how much she wants a baby of her own and you would be so selfish to have one while she is alive. That would be too unfair of you to do to her." 

SAY WHAAAAAT??? 

Then her daughter, newly married and mother of a month felt the need to add to that. "You really need to wait a while anyway, its life changing and your first year of marriage can be a nightmare anyway."

I thought my tongue would bleed from biting it so hard, but they weren't worth losing my job.

Today, just short of one year later, I ran into them. They had been told by their son that I was expecting but didn't believe him. Instead of saying congratulations like most people, she asked rather rudely, "so is it true? you're really pregnant?" I excitedly answered yes knowing how angry she was inside!!! Time to rub it in kel, go for it!!!! She leaned over to her daughter and now 1 year old grandbaby and said, "it is true, you know what I told you about kelly?" they both gave a less then enthusiastic congrats and started asking questions about doctor visits due dates etc. and then it was asked with such a look of disapproval.... get ready!!! I was, I knew it was coming. 

"How is Catie handling it? does she understand whats going on?"

and I told her all about Catie and how thrilled she is and how she is so excited to be an auntie and that we talk about the baby all the time!!! I said some other wonderful happy exciting things just to rub it in her face that this is a blessing!!!! and my husband and family are thankful and thrilled at this new life!! catie included. 

Funny that I knew as soon as this lady found out I was expecting she would ask about Catie because she had told me already not to have a child cause I am selfish. I still can't believe the boldness that some people have. If she was a decent person and actually took the time to check on Catie, see how she is coming along, pay her a visit, her daughter included, then they would know that Catie is thrilled!!! Instead they live their life like catie doesn't exist and still for some reason think they have the slightest clue about her and what makes her happy. 

See, there is always a reason behind me not talking to some people, I don't have the patience for ignorance.

ok, I'm done being a b****. Just had to get that out!!!! 

Oh Thank Heaven...

...for 7eleven.

Behold, the cherry slurpee.

My life.

My love.

My everything.