While enjoying a one hour nap today I came across so many snapshots. The kind that you take with your eyes. You know, the kind where you stop in the middle of a special moment, you stare as hard as you can at something and blink your eyes like you'd snap the button on a camera and just like that you store that photo in your memories. I'm not too good and just sitting and going through my snapshots. Seems like if I try to look at them I can't find a single one... but put me in a situation where one of my senses triggers it and all of a sudden I have album upon album opening up.
My nap took place out by the pool today. I hid out in my swim suit and shut my eyes as quick as I could. I played a 2 year olds game of hide and seek with myself.. If I close my eyes so that I can't see my stretched out layer of extra skin from my pregnancy, then no one else can see it! (if thats not how it works I'd rather not know.. so just play along) I plugged in my head phones and entered into my warm sun induced coma.. suddenly over my music I could hear a plane fly over me and instantly missed my Nana.. Poppie and Nana live in a house in so. san fran and from their dining room window you can see the SF airport. Along with the view is the sound of airplanes flying through the sky all day and all night. Its a hum that I love. Reminds me of taking naps in the afternoon sun that would shine through the living room window and onto the, at the time, gold couch that I would lay on.
Later in during my coma, I started to get really hot.. suddenly a cool breeze blew over me and I was all of a sudden laying on the roof of my Uncles boat. I'm in Chico on the lake and its so hot and sunny but theres a cool breeze. my Uncle is sitting beneath me with my brother and they have their fishing poles hanging out the side of the boat. My Aunt is obsessing over my cousin and I since we are on the roof of the boat without our life vests on. My Uncle passed away friday morning. He was more like a grandpa than an Uncle. There was a year and a half of my life where I emailed him almost every day. I could talk to him about Catie and he always replied back with emails that felt like hugs. I'll never forget the email I sent him when Catie was first moved downstairs and placed in a hospital bed. I was so upset but he wrote back and explained that she's not in a hospital bed, she's in a bed that has railings. Seems stupid but it was something I've never forgotten. Matter of fact, catie doesn't use a wheelchair, she uses a chair with wheels. She also doesn't use a feeding tube, she uses a device that we can feed her through.. Some may call it denial, I call it "uncle don-ing" Believe it or not it has helped with each new change I've faced in my life.
After dozing off, I woke up to Ben Folds playing in my ears. Right then I was so excited! It was two in the morning and my little baby was laying across my chest just 4 hours old. I was a mommy and he was my son. His daddy and the love of my life was sleeping right next to us and I felt more satisfied and complete than ever in my life...
I'd say it was a pretty successful nap that I took.. Even managed to get a tiny bit of color on y skin..